TO PASS or NOT to PASS

[Photo Credit: Mario D Lemafa]

by Luzviminda Uzuri "Lulu" Carpenter

(aka #LULUNATION)

I know what it is like to be passed…

from community to community

And passed by with no notice of being Queer

Of being Filipino

Of being Black

Of being Christian

Of being Radical

But still marked as "other"

As "outsider"

That not only my body,

But even my spirit is weary from these travels

I have been passed around so much

That I was late in understanding my identities…

As Mixie

As Revolutionary

As Drag Queen

As Gender Queer

As Dreamer

As a Believer

As Faith Healer

Even As Lover

I am draw upon as something unknown

As some Thing not to be.

I am marked as NOT the NORM

As NOT the STANDARD

So I marked my body with tattoos

And exposed the drawings of history

That traced my back

Back to my ancestors for protection

And forgotten memories

I have been read by others!

And their experiences

through their eyes,

they carve fears on my Black & Brown /Queer/ Body

Sometimes they use ropes

And I have grooves upon my wrists and neck from the strain

Stretched skin forms lashes of memories

Marking me dangerous and visible

New lynching ropes in modern times

These lashes are made with fake Asian accents to cross out my mouth

Marking me invisible once again

My story erased

So I have put substances into my veins

To blow them off my mind

My Body makes marks on communities!!!

As folks wonder where I fit

NO SAFETY as I have stood with hands and mouth

Pushed OUT!

With no excuses!!!

So I can just pass into sleep

To dream and believe.

Without my moves being watched and examined

so I can hum songs of my history to rock me to sleep

Upon waking my body vibrates with memory

So when shaken daily

light can shoot through my eyes

As I answer questions

Black Sister?

Maybe not, but definitely a Black Queen, a Queer one.

Filipina ka ba?  Are you  Filipina?

Opo! Yes, Filipino ako,

but not made for beauty pageants,

whitening creams,

or diets.

“Bakit?  Why?” I ask

“Kumusta ka na?”

“How are YOU doing today?”

Since you forgot to even greet me.

“Queer?”

“Yes,”

but crossed too many times

And marked with racism and poverty

As my body moves in spaces.

So I put folks on Notice…

“YOU are on NOTICE!”

Since you didn't notice that my body had a name

Luzviminda for the Filipina Babaylans murdered

Uzuri for the African slaves forgotten

I have stamped my name on my Body

To remind me

And stamped the places my Body has traveled

And passed throughout time

And I carry it on my back

A willing target in old age

And old rage…..at judgment.

So notice

And move past me

So I can focus and remember who I am

And who my ancestors are

Without the blockages of eyes and ears

On my road to communities

And transformation

And all my people's liberation.

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© Luzviminda Uzuri "Lulu" Carpenter

Printed here with permission. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from the artist is strictly prohibited.

See Lulu perform this piece --> at the first Raising Mixed Race signing